What a Year...

Well it's been forever since i've posted here but hell i'll do one right now just to sum it all up. A fantastic end to a crappy year.

Firstly last Christmas holidays: was when it all started. The bf and i had a huge argument over nothing and it ended with him pushing me and throwing my things everytwhere , then i punched him fair and square in the jaw - he kicked me out the house and wouldn't let me back in so i ended up in my car at 3am with the dog and he made me take that too - this was really the time i started thinking about what i wanted and needed in my life.

It took me until just before Easter to decided that the best thing was to take a break from us within the first week, or maybe even before that i already knew i wasn't going back, but i wanted to be 100% sure. So in the end i left him and moved in with my Grandma.

Early in June this year my Grandpa passed away - we were all very close so it was hard for my family - we knew it was coming but that didn't make it easier, especially on my Grandma - they were married for 60 years.

2 Days after my Grandpa passed away i went mourning at the pub with a girlfriend and indulged in a couple of beers hmm ok maybe more like over a dozen beers. While there i met someone we'll call him A. and long story short he ended up contacting me a week or so later to go out together. the first time i cancelled on him becuase quite frankly i wasn't interested in a realtionship and the trouble that goes along with getting to know someone, i told him we'd take a riancheck. The second time we arranged to meet up i ended up having to work until midnight so couldn't go. The third and probably final time he asked me out he came and picked me up and we ended up at an Indian place down on Brighton Road.

We had a nice night together, he was easy to talk to and fun to be around, but i still wasn't interested in anything more. I didn't know if i really wanted to see him again. He dropped me home that night and i let him kiss me on the cheek. I sent him and email the next day thanking him for a good night and sending him a link to a website i'd promised. The day after that i had a gift delivered to my work from him - it was the sweetest thing. And the friendship grew from there.

So six months down the track and we are pretty much inseperable. I am the happiest i can ever remember being. He treats me like a princess, is patient,kind and understanding. He's so much more than words can ever say.

I suppose the most difficult thing about the relationship is that he has an 18 month old son. Oh i love him, he's adorable, but it's not the easiest thing going into a new relationship where the other person has to talk to his Ex all the time. And it's not easy being an instant mum either. Sometimes i wonder what other people expect of me but i suppose as long as the 3 of us are happy that's all that matters. I will say there are a couple of things that need to be sorted out - but that will come with time. Bubba has accepted me as a new friend and is almost always happy to see me and give me a kiss and hug, which is beautiful. I am learning alot, but i am learning alot along with A, this is his first child so we are learning together.

Ultimatley it's a fantasic end to a shitty year - i am happy!

I'm sure i have more to say but have to get back to work.

Everyone have an awesome and safe Christmas and New Year!!

Just quickly.

hey all i just have quick thoughts for today.

I went and had a very healthy lunch today (hot chips and gravy) and noticed something about the person who serves me.

Ok on the lady we have one gloved hand and one "naked hand".

Firstly she put the chips into the container, that was all good she used the tongs to do this, she then proceeded to pour the gravy over the top of the chips and she dribbled the gravy down the side of the container. What she then did was wipe the gravy off with her finger and licked the gravy off her finger. I kind of stared at her dumbfounded, like did you actually just do that?!

The next thing she did, and i've noticed this in more than one food service place, she tells me how much it cost then puts out her gloved hand, you know the one she picks food up with, the one i'm assuming is covered with a glove for health reasons so you don't like contaminate food with germs, and she takes my money with her gloved hand.

Now am i missing something here or is this just wrong? I'll stay away from the sandwiches and anything they have to use their hands to make on second thoughts I think i'll continue to bring my own lunch to work everyday and not have a "special treat" once in a while.

Ewwwww

Almost done

Well it's not finished yet....

I got 95% of my packing done on Friday - i probably didn't pack everything properly, last time i moved i packed and sorted and threw things out. This time i just packed it all away, with a vision that i'll take some "paperwork" boxes with me to sort out then i can put them in storage once i've thrown all the crap out.

Friday was a huge afternoon, i worked pretty hard at getting it all done but didn't quite get there. I did every room in the house except the sunroom, i couldn't get to it there's so much junk in there, but i got all my other big stuff packed.

Saturday the boys did a good job going and getting all my stuff but somehow i don't think they loaded the truck properly. A 3 tonne truck and it was full. they were concerned that all my stuff wasn't going to fit into the storage unit but with a bit of "tetris" type stacking there's still room left over.

So i will have to go back and get the rest of my stuff at some stage in the near future but for now i'm done - i'm exhausted and don't want to face another weekend like that one too soon.

Moving House

Well it's been 5 months since i left my Ex and it's come time to finalise things and move out for good.

I have alot of things "stored" at his parents house out in the country and i obviously have alot of things at his place to pack away and move. This weekend is THE weekend.

He has been almost rational, i have had to be understanding though and be patient with him. When i first told him i needed to start moving things i thought he would make it very difficult for me, and he did in a way. He wouldn't let me get friends to move stuff from his paretns house so i've had to rely on him and his best mate to do this for me. It was the only option i had left.

So i've hired a drive yourself moving truck for them for Saturday and i have a storage unit organised to put all my stuff in. So the plan is I am going to his place on Friday afternoon to pack then i have to meet them down at the hire car place at 9am Saturday morning, they will take the truck up to the country and call me when they are on their way back to his house, i will meet them there and then pack my boxes into the truck. We'll then go to the storage unit and unload, take the truck back and that's almost it.

Except for my cats, i've had to organise a temporary home for them with a friend where i can go around each night on the way home from work to feed and clean their cat run. I think this is going to be the hardest bit of the move. Moving the cats to a "new home". I know my "little boy" is going to be very upset at moving again and i hate to see my cats upset.

I thought this was going to be alot less emotional than it has been i've pretty much been in tears for the past two days, and i've been so stressed out. It's not alot to organise and it's not difficult it's just stressful. I'm saying goodbye to what i thought was going to be my future. I suppose i have to grieve for what i've left behind.

I need to do this though i need to move forward with my life and find the self worth i lost, build my confidence back up and realise i am worth so much more than how i allowed him to treat me.

Heya

So to carry on...

I've been living with my Grandma for the past few months supporting her through Grandpa's death and helping her out with day to day things like cooking dinner etc etc I must admit it has been good for me to be there, she makes sure i eat every day and it generally keeps me in check having to make sure i check in with someone. Ok so i've lost over 6 kg's due to stress and if it were me on my own i wouldn't be eating and would've been a total mess. I'm so lucky to have my Grandma. She can't do alot and i do alot of taking care of her but the days when i come home feeling very teary and emotinal she pours me a soothing scotch and just listens if i want to talk.

It has had it's rough moments though sometimes she forgets this is the year 2006 and people don't go out for the evening with friends and be home by 11pm, i'm always respectful and she knows when i'll be home, i always carry my phone in case she needs me. It's just difficult having been independant for so many years to now having to check in with someone and generally take care of things for her.

At this stage of the game i don't want to move out anyway, in me being there i'm taking alot of the burden off my mum. i'm there every night during the week except Wed's to cook her dinner and clean up and some Wed's i cook for her before i go dancing - so she can't complain too much i hope. It's just the weekends when i want to go out dancing that sometimes causes a problem.

I shall continue my story another time.....

Long Time Between Posts

Ok it's been almost 9 months since i did my last post. This year has so far passed in a blur of happenings.

Let's start off with what happened over Christmas ok my partner of 5 years and i had a lovley sized sized argument, he proceeded to yell abuse at me (as he always did) but this time it was a little worse, he threw all my things off my dressing table then pushed me backward. He then decided to call me a few more nasty names which really hit nerves.

this night he pushed me way over the line, i'm a strong perosn and handle alot but this time he went too far so i gave him a right hook to the jaw - left a nice bruise too- he then kicked me out of the house at 3am.

This was the point i started to realise i couldn't keep going on like this anymore. we survived the holidays only just and both went back to work in late January but life and my thoughts just weren't the same anymore. I tried to talk to him about his anger issues and his abuse so many times and we also went to councelling 18 months prior to try and work it all out - but it seemed i was the only one doing the trying. He was still smoking dope more than ever and that only made the situation worse.

I found the courage and strength to pack my stuff and walk away - initially it was for a couple of weeks until i got my head sorted out but it's now been almost 5 months since i left him. I sometimes feel guilty and sometimes sad, wondering if i've walked away from something that could've worked, hoping that i haven't made a mistake - but then most of the time i look at the reality of things and realise people shouldn't have to be abused almost every day told how stupid and useless they are. There are better things in life and no one should have to put up with it.

since i've left him, he's stopped smoking dope, started counceling and also is doing anger management courses. He says he's a totally different person and that i never knew the real him. This dissapoints me so much - i spent 5 years loving him doing anything i could for him, i improved myself for "him" what he wanted he got and i never got much in return. I was always fearful of the way he'd react to things -even the smallest things would scare me. for eg if i were sitting on the couch when he got home from work he'd yell at me for being lazy. Sometimes i didn't even literally have to get out of bed or say a word at all to be yelled at and abused. This has been the hardest thing i've almost ever had to do. Walk away from what i thought was my future.

Anyway i left him and moved in with my Grandma. At that stage my Grandpa was in the nursing home being taken care of and Grandma would see him 3 to 4 times a week, she enjoys my company at home in the evenings and loves that i cook for her whenever i am home. In most ways i think she thinks she's taking care of me -which is sweet.

June 7th 2006 my Grandpa passed away, he waited for my Grandma. she visited him every Wednesday at the same time each week. She was there holding his hand when he passed away, he waited, they had celbrated their 60th wedding anniversary earlier this year. That day my watch stopped, and my parents anchor clock stoped at the time he died. that night my Mum and i were outside we looked up at the moon and it had a halo around it - we looked away for a minute looked back and it was gone - we believe it was him telling us everything was ok, he was home now.

Well i'll come back and fill you in on more of my life soon. It's 3pm Friday and i've got things to do before i leave work.

Season's Greeting's

Well this is my last day at work for 2005! Woooo hooooo Holidays!!!!

The past few weeks have been flat out at home and at work.

The bfriend bought us a new TV and it's that big that he needed to move the lounge room around and put the 2 seater lounge into the spare room. To put that in the spare room he needed to clean it out first and put some of the stuff we were keeping into the storage room, but before he could do that he needed to clean the storage room out! lol so he spent most of the weekend cleaning. I spent most of the weekend, shopping, cooking, wrapping and cleaning.

I'm starting to look forward to Christmas day this year - if everything goes well it should be a nice day. There are a couple of people that are iritiating me thus far, asking me to do things, asking to borrow things then not saying thanks and in general not appreciating things other people do for them, once i get over my irritation on this matter things should be good - as long as they don't call me again - i've got to learan to stand up for myself and just say NO i'm sorry i can't help.

Anyway i hope you and all your families have a very Merry Christmas and a Safe and Happy New Year. Hopefully 2006 is a little better than 2005.

Hugs and Christmas kisses to you all!!